How I got Stuck

So I guess for complete understanding I will start at the beginning, with my background. Grab a chair this is along story and might take a while. (also might be a little TMI)

I have always wanted children could not wait to be a mom (and is more wonderful then I could have ever imagined). So DH and I decided to start a family a few years after being married. I stopped BC and then bam I was preggo, completely unexpected but thrilled.

I had a normal pregnancy, until delivery. long drawn out labor, 4 hours of pushing and nothing. Had an emergency c-section, Hannah came out fine, born May 7th 2004, but they realized she had been turned and her head was positioned wrong poor thing had a cone head on the side of her head.

I on the other hand was not feeling well after deliver and about 30 minutes into recovery fainted. Recovery nurses question about possible bleeding but was told no everything was fine. move to ICU with round the clock monitoring, in major pain and leaking blood from incision, again was told it was nothing. next day moved to a post partum room, still in major pain. Next day Doc stops by and I tell her about the horrible pain and she is checking y back and their is severe bruising and bruising on my lower abdomen, brushed off. A week later I was discharged still in major pain and could not even walk.

I was home for maybe 3 or 4 days and I started to hurt like I have never hurt before, I felt like I was dying. I started vomiting and could not stop. My FIL (Father-in-law who is also an EMT) called an ambulance. When the ambulance arrived my BP was very low and I could not get up off the floor. The paramedic immediately thought I was bleeding internally. We arrived at the hospital and were told that the ER was packed and I could wait in the waiting room, I could not even sit up or move. My paramedic and FIL both thought it was internal bleeding and kept telling the staff but know one would listen. My wonderful paramedic refused to leave me and fought with the hospital staff. Eventually they let him place my bed in the hall. A CAT scan was order needing contrast immediately puked that up and the on call doc had the nerve to get angry with me. Finally they said I had a bladder infection and I could go home, but my FIL said no and demanded that I be admitted. 3 days later I was still sitting in a room and a doc had yet to see me and I am still in immense pain and cannot eat. My Mom the wonderful amazing person she is by passed the President of the hospital's secretary and parked herself in his office and demanded they do something. I then got pain management care and some more tests and ultrasounds. They found pooled blood in my abdomen and a blood clot in my right groin area. I won't go into the detail of my care there (nurses were amazing but the rest were sh*t). They kept trying to drain the pooled blood kept returning, and the pain never left. Also got a filter put in my artery to catch the blood clot in case it broke free. and a pic line because by now my arteries looked like crap. 10 days later I went home still in pain and armed with lovenox shots (blood thinners).

A few days after I returned home again the excruciating pain returned DH rushed me to the ER, where they again gave us the song and dance about being too full, well at that moment I started vomiting uncontrollably and then passed out (that's one way to get a room) don't remember to much after that because I was in shock, and they finally realized I was bleeding out internally started to swell, they kept pumping blood. the told my DH to prepare for the worse and for my family to say their goodbyes. They did not have a surgeon that could do that sort of operation (WTH) but my family refused to give up and started making calls, my Aunt had a good friend who was retired doc from the area and asked him to help. He started calling in favors. finally he found my angel her name was Dr. Mary O'day and she is truly my angel. She said to get me to St. Luke's immediately and that she had a pretty good idea what was wrong and that she would do her best to save me.

I was Life Flighted to St. Luke's and went into emergency exploratory surgery. She found a torn vein in my right groin area, she repaired the vein, but unfortunately she was unable to save my right tube or ovary, due to the pooled blood it had deteriorated them. I spent 2 days in drug induced coma and when I woke up I was tired and miserable and tubes sticking out everywhere but I did not hurt anymore. I spent a week in ICU then was moved to another room.

I don't remember how long I was there just that around June 16th I was realeased to go home. had long road to recovery many hours of physical therapy and back pain (muscle would spasm uncontrollably) but I was alive. I felt deep loss over not being with Hannah that first 6 weeks of her life. I feel into depression and was lucky my OB caught it (new one at St. Luke's he was amazing) , He said that it was most likely caused by all the surgeries and not being near my Hannah. Said I had post traumatic stress.

I could not explain why I had lived and had internal bleeding for weeks but the only thing we can come up with is that I had internal bleeding, no one knew, a clot for in the vein that I was bleeding from stopping the flow, was not allowed to move due to the clot, but then blood thinners thinned the clot and all hell broke loose. I really believe that God had intervened and helped me stay alive.

After all this I always had sinking feeling that achieving pregnancy again would be hard little did I know it would be this hard, It was hard to convience my husband to even try again ( completely understand he was the one who had to witness all this), but when Hannah was 2 and half we decided to give it a go. Now over 2 years later we are still trying. all tests come back normal, 2 failed IUI's using Gonal F. I have lost 24 lbs my Thyroid is at a great level and I am currently seeing an acupuncturist.

This is actually a short version of my story. I think the long version could be a book, but since I am not a writer that won't be happening :)